SantaBanta Jokes(2)

     Jeeto: Why do you talk so much in your sleep?

     Santa: It's the only time you don't correct me.
      Jeeto: I never correct you.
Santa is stunned!

 Banta: They say time is a great healer.

Santa: That's probably why when you go to the doctors surgery they keep you waiting so long!

 Pinky: How do I look, daddy?

Santa: With your eyes, sweetheart!

Banta: I'm starting a condom company, suggest a good name.
Santa: Name it 'DIPPER'. You'll get free publicity on all Indian trucks - "Use Dipper at night"!
Banta: What's the best thing about Switzerland?
Santa: I don't know, but the flag is a huge plus!
 Santa: I'm starting to suspect that my wife is getting sick of my bullshit.

Banta: Why do you think so?
Santa: Because she says it to me all the time!

 Ailing Santa in a clinic:

Doctor: Have you ever given yourself a prostate exam?
Santa: No, but I accidentally sat on a toilet brush once!

While in America, Santa went to my local shop & asked for a bottle of water.
Shopkeeper: Still Water?
Santa: Yeah, I haven't changed my mind yet!
 Santa: Ha! It says in the paper that men use 5000 words every day and women use 10000. I told you that women talked more!

Jeeto: That's only because we have to repeat everything for men.
Santa: Men, what?

Banta: Jahan Izzat Na Ho Wahan Nahi Rukna Chahiye.
Santa: Matlab Banda Ab Ghar Bhi Na Jaye?

Santa had 3 trays in his office for files:<br/> IN, OUT & LBW.<br/> Someone asked, `What is this LBW for?`<br/> Santa: Let this Bloody Wait!
  • Santa had 3 trays in his office for files:
    IN, OUT & LBW.
    Someone asked, "What is this LBW for?"
    Santa: Let this Bloody Wait!
  • Santa: Do you know how introverts spend their vacations?<br/> Banta: How?<br/> Santa: Staying home away from home!
    Santa: Do you know how introverts spend their vacations?
    Banta: How?
    Santa: Staying home away from home!
  • Banta: Why did you join social media?<br/> Santa: I wanted to disappoint more than one person at a time!
    Banta: Why did you join social media?
    Santa: I wanted to disappoint more than one person at a time!


  • Santa: Do you know what is the scariest thing to read in braille?<br/> Banta: What?<br/> Santa: Do not touch!
    Santa: Do you know what is the scariest thing to read in braille?
    Banta: What?
    Santa: Do not touch!
  • Banta: Your skin looks so clear, what's the secret?<br/> Santa: Nothing bro, just take a picture on Snapchat and swipe to the left, skin go from burnt Roti to smooth Rasgulla real quick!
    Banta: Your skin looks so clear, what's the secret?
    Santa: Nothing bro, just take a picture on Snapchat and swipe to the left, skin go from burnt Roti to smooth Rasgulla real quick!


  • Santa: There are two words in life that will open a lot of doors for people.<br/> Banta: Which word?<br/> Santa: Push and Pull!
    Santa: There are two words in life that will open a lot of doors for people.
    Banta: Which word?
    Santa: Push and Pull!
  • Banta: Why does your nose grow in the middle of your face?<br/> Santa: Because it's the scenter!
    Banta: Why does your nose grow in the middle of your face?
    Santa: Because it's the scenter!
  • Banta: What kind of tea is hard to swallow?<br/> Santa: Reality!
    Banta: What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
    Santa: Reality!
  • Santa: Do you know what lawyers wear to court?<br/> Banta: What?<br/> Santa: Law suits!
    Santa: Do you know what lawyers wear to court?
    Banta: What?
    Santa: Law suits!
  • Santa Apni Billi Se Tang Aa Kar Use Door Chhod Aaya. Ghar Aaya Toh Billi Wapas Aa Gayi Thi!<br/> Doosari Baar Bhi Aisa Hi Hua!<br/> Teesri Baar Bahut Door Aur Mushkil Bhare Raaste Pe Chhod Aaya. Jab Wapas Aa Raha Toh Usene Apni Biwi Ko Phone Kiya Aur Puch, `Kya Billi Ghar Aa Gayi?`<br/> Biwi: Ji, Use Toh Bahut Der Ho Gayi.<br/> Santa: Usko Bhej, Main Raasta Bhool Gaya Hun!
    Santa Apni Billi Se Tang Aa Kar Use Door Chhod Aaya. Ghar Aaya Toh Billi Wapas Aa Gayi Thi!
    Doosari Baar Bhi Aisa Hi Hua!
    Teesri Baar Bahut Door Aur Mushkil Bhare Raaste Pe Chhod Aaya. Jab Wapas Aa Raha Toh Usene Apni Biwi Ko Phone Kiya Aur Puch, "Kya Billi Ghar Aa Gayi?"
    Biwi: Ji, Use Toh Bahut Der Ho Gayi.
    Santa: Usko Bhej, Main Raasta Bhool Gaya Hun!
    • Santa: I've named my dog `ten miles`.<br/> Banta: Why?<br/> Santa: Just so I can tell people I walk ten miles twice a day!
      Santa: I've named my dog "ten miles".
      Banta: Why?
      Santa: Just so I can tell people I walk ten miles twice a day!
    • Dentist: Have you been brushing your teeth?<br/> Santa: Lol teeth don't have hair you idiot!
      Dentist: Have you been brushing your teeth?
      Santa: Lol teeth don't have hair you idiot!
    • Banta got expelled from the swimming pool for urinating in the pool.<br/> He argued, `Many people do it, why only catch me?`<br/> The pool manager replied, `Many may be doing it, but no one does from the diving board!`
      Banta got expelled from the swimming pool for urinating in the pool.
      He argued, "Many people do it, why only catch me?"
      The pool manager replied, "Many may be doing it, but no one does from the diving board!"
    • Banta: Why we save phone numbers with names?<br/> Santa: You keep it in phone so you know 'not' to answer when they call!
      Banta: Why we save phone numbers with names?
      Santa: You keep it in phone so you know 'not' to answer when they call!
    • Jeeto: Janu 1 Pappi Chahiye... Neend Nahi Aa Rahi.<br/> Santa: Uff! Tumhari Farmaish Bhi Pareshaan Kar Deti Hai Mujhe... Ghar Ka Kharch Badi Mushkil Se Chal Raha Hai Aur Tumko Kutte Ka Bachha Chahiye!
      Jeeto: Janu 1 Pappi Chahiye... Neend Nahi Aa Rahi.
      Santa: Uff! Tumhari Farmaish Bhi Pareshaan Kar Deti Hai Mujhe... Ghar Ka Kharch Badi Mushkil Se Chal Raha Hai Aur Tumko Kutte Ka Bachha Chahiye!
    • Banta: Do you have any superpower?<br/> Santa: Yes! I can look at people dead in the face while they're talking and not hear a damn word they said!
      Banta: Do you have any superpower?
      Santa: Yes! I can look at people dead in the face while they're talking and not hear a damn word they said!
    • Santa: What's the wifi password?<br/> Barman: You need to buy a drink first.<br/> Santa: Okay, I'll have a coke.<br/> Barman: Is Pepsi okay?<br/> Santa: Sure, how much is that?<br/> Barman: ₹ 1000.<br/> Santa: There you go. So what's the wifi password?<br/> Barman: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase!
      Santa: What's the wifi password?
      Barman: You need to buy a drink first.
      Santa: Okay, I'll have a coke.
      Barman: Is Pepsi okay?
      Santa: Sure, how much is that?
      Barman: ₹ 1000.
      Santa: There you go. So what's the wifi password?
      Barman: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase!
    • Banta: Why is it good to use valet parking as you go to a party?<br/> Santa: Because the valets will remember where the car was parked!
      Banta: Why is it good to use valet parking as you go to a party?
      Santa: Because the valets will remember where the car was parked!
    • Police Officer: You'll be fined as your dogs were chasing people on bikes!<br/> Santa: How is it possible? My dogs don't even own bikes!
      Police Officer: You'll be fined as your dogs were chasing people on bikes!
      Santa: How is it possible? My dogs don't even own bikes!
    • Santa: Waiter what is this fly doing in my soup?<br/> Waiter: I do believe that's backstroke, sir!
      Santa: Waiter what is this fly doing in my soup?
      Waiter: I do believe that's backstroke, sir!

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